On Saturday, March 1st shortly after I was complaining about having to wait to know the sex of our baby, the elective ultrasound place called us to say they'd had a cancellation. We were able to get in around 12:45 and we found out we're having a girl! I love being able to use the right pronouns now, and I'm excited about being able to start knitting girly things.
Something I'm not excited about is reducing my anxiety medication. I know it's the safest route for her, but it is so hard. I'm down to 10mg instead of the 20, so it's not even like I'm completely off yet, and I feel different already. I have repeating thoughts, not bad ones, but I just get kind of stuck on something. I also feel kind of lonely and sad when I'm alone, and I didn't before. Nothing else has changed except my medication dose. Nathan has the same hours, we have the same routines, I still talk to my friends and go knit. But when I'm at home by myself like today (I had some stomach issues last night so stayed home today) I feel out of sorts. I'm on the medication for anxiety, not depression, but it still affects my mood I think. I guess it's just something to get used to, feeling different, and dealing with it. When I knit my mind really does slow down, and I've started using lavender oil to calm down when I feel anxious. I'm pretty sure I can find ways to cope, but I'm going to stay on the 10mg for another couple weeks before alternating 10mgs and biting those in half every other day for a while. I don't regret starting this medication because I have had such an easier time of things being on it, but I'm nervous about going back to how thing were before.
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