Vacation & OPKs

I went with my friend Stephanie to Florida from Monday until yesterday. I didn't bother taking my OPKs with me since there would have been no point, and I was worried I might miss getting a positive. BUT, yesterday afternoon when I got home I tested and the second line was nice and dark on day 14. I know the strips don't mean that ovulation will happen and that only temping can show it for sure, but I do love those dark lines.

Appointment with an RE

Today I called my midwife and she made a referral for me to an RE. I'm both nervous and excited. I'm nervous because of the tests, and potential problems they could find. I'm nervous because Husband has already said that he's against donor sperm (if he even has an issue--his levels could be perfect) so if he has a problem there, we'd have to consider donor embryos or adoption. I, on the other hand, don't mind the idea of using donor eggs if it comes down to that. I'm excited because this could lead to a baby--finally! It's weird that it's already been a year of trying. Sometimes a year can seem like a very short time, and at other times it can feel like an eternity.

work

I'm trying to get up the motivation to go to my classroom today and get some painting done. It's this horrible yellowy beige and green right now, and I'm going to redo it in white and dark grey. It will look really good when it's done, but I just don't want to. I am in the lazy phase of summer break. And the two week waiting period, which I complained about in my last post.

wish in one hand

I wish I could see inside my body. I would love to know if any connection has been made, if any little cellular wonder is making its way toward life. I hate the waiting. This journey is all about waiting and it drives me crazy. Wait for ovulation, wait for two weeks or so, try to wait out the urge to test and see if AF arrives, wait for that to be over to start OPKs again. Wash, rinse, repeat. The story of the past year. J. Alfred Prufrock measured his life in coffee spoons. I have measured my past twelve months with OPK strips. A friend suggested that since I seem to ovulate around the same time each cycle that I could probably stop using them now, but there's something so exciting about seeing that second line, as dark as the first. It gives me the only visual evidence of what's going on inside, and I don't want to give that up.