off progesterone, midwives, opinions of others

Last week when my progesterone was checked it was 29, so the Dr. decided I could reduce to one pill a day and then stop. He wanted to test it 24 hours after taking the last dose, so today I had the test. It came back at 22, and anything over 15 is considered normal, so that's good news. I would absolutely use the supplement as long as required to help have a healthy baby, but I'm so glad I can stop taking it. It's gross and messy.

On Monday I have an appointment with the midwives. I LOVE the midwives. When I had an abnormal pap a couple years ago, I had to have my cervix scraped for testing which was fairly unpleasant. One of them held my hand through it. I know I want them to attend my birth. They attend in a well known, respected hospital so I feel like if any emergency intervention is needed, it'll be readily available. My mom wants me to have the baby at the local hospital, but I'm just not feeling it. If anything big goes wrong here, they transport to the city. I think it's better to just start off there. Her concern is that when I go into labor, we'll have to travel about 40 minutes. I don't think that's a long time but I'm sure it'll feel different when the time comes.

I plan to have the baby without an epidural, which has received a lot criticism. The most common comment has been, "You'll change your mind." I want to carry copies of Ina May Gaskin's Spiritual Midwifery and Guide to Childbirth and put one of each in the hand of every woman who tells me this. I think that when we have our version of how something should be, we don't really want to give it up. Not only that, but we think others should share the same idea. So because the women I've had this conversation with have had epidurals see it as a normal part of birth, they expect me to as well. I have talked to a couple of women who had natural births, and they're more supportive of course. I intend to mentally prepare for a natural birth, while at the same time being open minded to the possibility of having to accept a different course (in the event of needing a C-Section).

I know I'm getting ahead of myself. I'm only 8 weeks and 1 day. So much could happen between now and then. I have friends and family praying for the baby and I am so thankful for them. Sometimes God's will is different than what we want though, and I can't put the possibility of bad news out of my mind. Too many people I know have gone through losses, and I know it could happen. I still want to think in terms of things going well, I want to get the house ready, and knit cute baby things. And I'm going to do those but I guess with a sense of caution. I don't really know how to explain it.

Ultrasound Results

There's one baby, and he or she has a heartbeat! Yay! On a negative note, I started feeling bad yesterday evening. I felt tired and nauseated, so I ended up going to bed around 7:00. No shame. My pregnant body told me to rest, so I did. :)

1st ultrasound

Tomorrow at 8:40 I have my first ultrasound. I'm nervous about it, but keep trying to tell myself that worrying won't change whatever is going on in my body. If there's a healthy little heartbeat, it will be there tomorrow. If there's an empty sac, it will be there tomorrow. I hope everything is just as it should be, but I know people who have gotten terrible news at ultrasounds. It's hard to be too optimistic when you know something could easily go wrong, especially this early on. I am so impatient to be out of the first trimester, when the chance of miscarriage goes down quite a bit. I want to feel it kick, and buy maternity clothes, know if it's a boy or a girl, and knit cute things for him or her. But before any of that can happen, we have to get through tomorrow and many other tomorrows after that.

It worked!

I'm 4 weeks 4 days pregnant! I found out the morning before Thanksgiving with both a home test and a blood draw at the Dr.'s office. On that day, my hcg was 23. Today I had my second draw and it's 311! I'm so excited to see that number go up. It was such a surprise to see that second pink line. I'm so happy to have friends and family who have prayed for a baby for us to be praying over this pregnancy. I know that a lot of pregnancies end in miscarriage, so all the prayer makes me feel comforted. I'll have an ultrasound in 2 weeks and hope to see a nice heartbeat!