BFN

Today I'm 11 DPO so I went ahead and tested using a Clear Blue early results. It was negative. I'm really bummed because I was optimistic about this cycle, mainly because of an absence of my typical PMS symptoms.

Unusual uterus?

I hadn't looked on the myhealth feature my hospital has in a while because I didn't expect any messages from my doctor. This morning I decided to see what the lab report from the HSG actually says, which was a MISTAKE. It says that there's an indication of an arcuate uterus. This means the uterus has a dip somewhere in it. The indentation of mine is at the top (fundal). The scary part is that several sites say that while it won't affect getting pregnant it can affect successfully carrying to term. There were a couple of forums where women had asked about the topic, and some women shared stories of having it and being fine, so at least there's that. One site said that 2/3 of women carry to term, but what about the other 1/3? Are they likely to miscarry early on or go into preterm birth later? Ugh. It's amazing that so many babies are born in spite of all the crap that could go wrong. Furthermore, why didn't the doctor call me to discuss this instead of just letting me read it? I emailed the nurse to ask if I should be concerned, so I'll try to avoid freaking out until I get her reply.

Dreams

So far this week, I have dreamed that I got a positive on a pregnancy test, which I doubted because I was worried that the medicine might have given me a false positive. Still, in my dream I said, "Better start knitting baby stuff!" So true to real life.

Last night I dreamed that I was visiting a hospital and I walked past about three women who were holding newborns. In my dream I started crying because I wanted to be one of them. The sadness was overwhelming in that one.

In eight days I'll know if this cycle was successful or not.

Progesterone

I've never been so concerned about hormones. I have to take a progesterone supplement during the LP phase, which is the last 14 days of the cycle. I wonder if the HSG showed a thin uterine lining, because the progesterone is to thicken that. So, that's the plan this cycle. Some people have to take it until 11-12 weeks into the pregnancy because that's when the placenta takes over and produces it. I guess I'm getting too far ahead of myself, considering that I haven't even gotten a positive OPK yet. Hopefully that will happen tomorrow or Wednesday.

And it's over!

I survived the HSG! My appointment was at 2:30, but the office called around 12:40 to see if I could come in any earlier, so I ended up getting there at 2:00. They made me do a pregnancy test, which was negative of course. Then I went down to the imaging office. They didn't have stirrups, so I had to put each heel up on the bottom edge of the bed and grab each ankle, which was awkward. Last night, I had worked myself up to the point of crying based on some of the experiences some women had posted online. Out of a pain score of 10, a lot of them said it was a 10, and some said it was the worst pain they had experienced next to childbirth. I took 4 Advils an hour before I got there which I guess helped, because while it did hurt, I don't think it was a 10. I would put it at a 5 or 6. When she put the tube in and inflated the balloon, I made a noise and uttered something, but it wasn't unbearable. I felt like it was a really bad pinch. She warned me that the fluid would make me cramp, but luckily it didn't. The initial feeling was the worst for me. They were really nice and talked to me during the procedure. They asked me what I did, and I was able to talk about school through it. At the end, they let me see the final frame, which showed the dye spilling out of my clear tubes! I was so relieved that I got good news! My friend Angela went with me and while I didn't want to chance walking around JoAnn's (partially for fear of later cramping and partially because I knew I would spend too much on fall items), I felt well enough to at least do something fun. So we went to a Sweet Cece's and I had coconut frozen yogurt with slivered almonds and hot fudge. I'm such a little kid, having to have a treat after a doctor's appointment. We sat on a bench, ate our yogurt, watched traffic, and talked and it was really nice. I'm curious about what the next step will be, and I hope it's another round of Femara because it didn't have any side effects last time and it made me ovulate. I sent my RE's office a message this evening asking what we would be doing next, so hopefully I'll find out soon.

Tomorrow

Tomorrow is making me nervous. I don't want it to hurt, and I don't want them to find anything wrong. Mostly what I want is for it to be a normal Thursday, but that's out. Whatever information I get I'll have to view as a step toward problem solving, but still. Tonight I'm going to make a pumpkin dump cake to take to knit night tomorrow, so I'm going to pretend that afterward I'll feel okay and that it'll be business as usual.

HSG scheduled

My last progesterone check came back at 21, which indicates ovulation. However, I still peed negative and continued on to CD1. I called the RE and asked about further testing, as a lot of women have an HSG before even starting fertility drugs in order to make sure there are no blockages. While I'm glad to get this step out of the way on Thursday, I'm dreading it. This won't be an easy appointment like a blood draw. This one is going to hurt. Needless to say, we won't be going to JoAnn's afterward. I always look forward to that part. Also, they didn't prescribe Femara this cycle, so I'm guessing this whole month is a bust as far as our chances of conception go. I am frustrated and sad. I turn 32 in November, which I know isn't really bad in terms of trying to conceive, but I always pictured starting a family earlier than this. In a twisted way, it's kind of funny that my ex-husband didn't want children and we stressed about making sure I took the pill least we have an "oops" moment. I probably shouldn't find that amusing.

I've been keeping busy with school and knitting. I'm working on a sweater for myself and an afghan for my mom for Christmas. I'm going to ask my principal about a possible field trip for my 7th graders. They're reading A Wrinkle in Time, which is going to be performed in Nashville through October 6th. I hope we'll be able to go--I think they would enjoy it and they're a good class. We'll see.